Nonculture

It’s summer, a time to hang out with your friends at BBQ’s and enjoy the sun and drink beer.  Then either puke or make a pass at somebody’s wife and get punched in the face, whichever way you roll.  And what can make a BBQ better than friendly drinking outdoor games that involve everybody and get you shit faced as fast as possible? 

Nothing, of course.

So here is a review of the summer BBQ games that you might be enjoying over the next few months if you have any friends, and some notes on them.  Notes on the games, not your loser friends; nobody cares about your fucking life enough to take notes, sorry to break it to you.

Beer Pong

America’s frat house favorite, Beer Pong is a game that will get you fucked up right quick, especially if you have bad hand eye coordination.  You use a ping pong or ping pong-like table and set up plastic beer cups in a bowling pin shape on either end and try to throw a ping pong ball into the beer (half full).  If it goes in, you or your teammate have to drink the beer.  Pretty simple.  There are other rules about whether you bounce it off the table or throw it right in (it’s easier to throw it right in, plus the opponents can swat away a bounce…but a bounce is worth 2 drinks) – and there are other rules but the main point to hit on with Beer Pong is that it is actually fun, especially the drunker you get.  It is also the most unsanitary game on the planet because the balls bounce off of the table and all over the place, but what are you, some kind of germ pussy?

Beer Pong hint:  You can try throwing at the same time as your partner and have one of you choose to bounce it.  Distract the other team with a regular shot, then a split second behind it have the other team member bounce it in.  Also, if you are interested in a girl at the party, ask her to be on your team then either tank it so that she has to chug beers fast, or compete honestly and try to win to keep the table.  Because you are going to be drinking regardless, and it’s proven that girls are actually very good at this particular game.  I don’t have any science to that, just going from experience.

Cornhole

Throw the bean bag into the hole.  Take a drink or hand out drinks accordingly, however you want to do it.  I’ve played this, but it was set up on my dogturd mine field of a yard, so a hint with this one would be not to own a dog.

Washers

This surprisingly complicated game, for being invented by someone with obviously a lot of free time and washers and pvc pipe on hand, is actually a lot of fun.  Much like the other games, you and your partner stand at each box half (though opposite sides) and you try to throw your 4 washers into the box, into the pvc pipe in the middle, or land it on the edge of the box.  Each is worth different points, and certain points wipe each other out, and so fucking on.  This is easy to set up, or even build yourself, if you have a lot of free time and washers and pvc pipe hanging around.  Otherwise get it on Amazon, like the rest of these.

Washers hint:  Try throwing the washers with a backwards spin, this seems to make them stay in the box more.  And don’t play on concrete around children; that was a mistake.  Metal washers bounce off of concrete.

Top Toss

Somebody I know owns one these, though not the fancy NASCAR one, but it just sat to the side the entire BBQ and nobody showed interest in it.  Probably because it not only looks difficult even if you are sober, it also looks stupid.

Nonculture Drinking Darts

This is a homegrown invention, aka a Nonculture premiere.  Set up a dartboard outside – on the garage door or wherever.  You play a regular game of cricket (3 each of 15-20 plus bull…wiki it).  Also, set up cups underneath the board in whatever pattern you like.  Because as the beers go on, darts will be falling.

Here are the drinking rules:

DART IN MUG ON FLOOR = DRINK WHOLE DRINK

DOUBLE = PASS OUT 1 DRINK

TRIPLE = PASS OUT 2 DRINK

BULL = SOCIAL, EVERYBODY TAKES 1 DRINK

DOUBLE BULL = EVERYBODY TAKES 2 DRINKS

LOSING BY MORE THAN 9 HITS = TAKE 2 DRINKS

LAND A DART ON LEDGE = TAKE A DRINK AND PASS OUT 1 DRINK

 Darts hint:  I recommend only playing steel tip darts on real boards, not electronic darts.

Happy drinking.